Weekly Rundown by Broseph DiMaggio
It’s that time again. Time for the rundown of all rundowns. Time for me to break down last weeks’ happenings. And time for me to break down as well (cue tears)…more on that later though. In this weeks’ rundown we discuss the Olympics, Jerry (I want to cut your dick off) Sandusky, and a bit of NASCAR to spice things up a bit.
The Olympics are fast approaching and four years of sweat and determination are about to pay off…or, some will inevitably realize they wasted 4 years of the prime of their lives and hit up the 9-5 world like the rest of us chumps. Starting with basketball, the ‘new Dream Team’ got things underway with a game against Brazil. LeBron crushed it, dropping 30, but other than that, the team looked anything but dreamy. Obama has it right when he says that the ’92 team would whoop the ’12 team. I don’t even think this shit is debatable with the amount of ridiculous talent amassed on the ’92 squad. It’s like having a “who’s more of an asshole” contest between Goldman Sachs’ money-grabbin stock brokers and a Peace Corps volunteer…no contest.
In other news, Lithuanian lifter Aurimas Didzbalis failed a doping test and will miss the Olympics. What a complete freaking moron! I’m sure this dude has been doping for years and tried to slowly wean off the goods as the Olympics drew near. He’s gotta know exactly how long that shit stays in his system then. He’s only 21 so I chalk it up to age, but damn…I see a few months of hard drugs and club sluts in his near future as he tries to block this tragedy out of his mind.
So, if you’ve been following ANY sports at all or any news for that matter, you know all about Jerry ‘rot in jail’ Sandusky. The man who has single handedly brought down one of the most storied football programs in the history of sports, Penn State. This past week the Freeh Report came out and put the nail in the coffin of PSU ever being relevant again in college sports. No parent in their right mind will let their kid go to a program where kids got sodomized for 30 years. No 18 year old will WANT to go to a program with such a stigma. Plus now that it appears that Joe Paterno tried to cover this shit up and sweep it under the rug just makes it all the more horrific. He should have fed Sandusky to the wolves when he had the chance.
In NASCAR, the Sprint Cup is heating up and things are getting interesting. Matt Kenseth leads the way, but Dale Earnhardt Jr. is only 16 points back. Earnhardt Jr. hasn’t been relevant for about 10 years so this makes the race much more interesting to watch. Can he live up to a smidgeon of his dad’s legendary status? Throw in the perennial winner in Jimmie Johnson, who’s currently 4th, and you have some fireworks. I’m guessing most of you broads aren’t into NASCAR and that’s understandable, but it’s worth watching if not for the simple fact that your boyfriend probably knows nothing about it either so this is an easy way to make him feel like a dumbass…just ask ‘who do you think will win the Sprint Cup race?’ and wait for the WTF look he’ll most likely respond with…then tell him to buy you a Louis V for not being worthy of his own manhood 
